the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
