found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
