Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
