i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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