I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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