were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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