I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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