Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
