Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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