just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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