He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
