Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
