I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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