Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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