it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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