I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
