you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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