Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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