i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
