how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
