I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
