You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
