My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
