dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
