By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
