This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
