I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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