Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
