My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
