I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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