After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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