5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
