Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
