You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
