Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
