Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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