We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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