I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
