she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
