We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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