I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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