addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
BRING THE BAGELS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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