where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My ATM looks so different sober.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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