Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
