I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
