My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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