I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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