guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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