Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
time to smoke my breakfast
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
