i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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