Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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