he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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