Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
