if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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