I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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