her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
