i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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