somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
