Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
