Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
