a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
