Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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