Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
