There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
