Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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