I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
