Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
