i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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