just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
