You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
