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i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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