I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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