Me too!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
