bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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