I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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