My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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