isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
