You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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