i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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