So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
