3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
